Anthro 187
by Hidari
Summary: Puberty has kicked in. Shinji is taller than Asuka. What will that mean for our favorite couple? Nigeru spinoff.
1. All is not created equal

A/N: This is a Nigeru spinoff. It starts after they get home to the apartment, before they go back to school. I'd say somewhere within chapter 5. I got the idea because I wanted to show why Shinji should be taller than Asuka. The title is from an elective course I had in college - Anthropology 187: Sex and Culture. Don't worry though, it won't even need an M rating. Enjoy!

**Anthro 187  
**08.17.2006

It's unfair.

I'm a girl. I enjoy being a girl. In fact, I adore being a girl. Yeah, it's so much more fun to be a girl than a boy that they wrote a song about it once. Something about flowers, telephone calls, and drooling over dresses. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. Hmm, sweet as candy and a female female? Compliments going to my head like brandy? Hek hek hek, not likely, but the boys don't need to know that! Mwahahaha!

From a scientific standpoint, the female's power over raging male hormones is absolutely breathtaking! Hahahaha! Especially when she's in heat. Wait! That's not right. What am I saying? I am not a dog. I am not a rutting animal, although some boys sure act like one! Okay, hang on, mustn't get all worked up... deep slow breaths... Yesss.

I. Am. Female. Woman. Girl. Yeah... But... it really is so unfair. Why do boys grow like weeds?

Before I could continue that train of thought, a loud knock rattles my shoji. Egad, I've been gone too long. It's the idiot come to nag.

"Asuka? Are you still coming with me to the store? It closes in two hours."

"Yes, baka! Give me a minute, I'm coming right out." Yosh! I'll show him!

Che, this room's a mess. It looks like Misato's room. I know, I know, my fault. I need to pull myself together and prepare for war! So I rummage in the closet to get dressed. I said one minute right? I'll be ready in one minute if it kills me!

In this battle for world domination, I swear, I shall defeat you Ikari Shinji! Mwahahaha! Dang it, where's my bra?

x

x

x

This is... unnerving.

She's been doing it since lunch. What the hell's wrong with her? She seemed fine at breakfast but now she's creeping me out. I know she's trying to be sneaky about it but how can I miss that insane look in her eye? It makes me want to run and bury my head in the sand or something. Mustn't run away, mustn't run away...

"Asuka, you're staring at me again."

"What? Who? Me? Dream on, Shinji."

I sigh in relief when she stomps off ahead of me and disappears into the grocery store. This is going to be one of those days. I hurry on inside only to find Asuka standing by the potatoes holding a bottle of ketchup, lost in deep thought.

"Why are you acting strange?" I tap her on the shoulder and she jumps and then glares at me.

"What do you mean by strange?" She asks as she looks up at me and squints at my hair. She frowns and the little furrows between her brows deepen.

"Nothing. It's just that, something's up. I can tell. You've always been a bit er – weird. Sorry. But this is worse than you usually are. You've also been quiet the whole afternoon." I turn away to hide the concern in my face.

Potatoes, I check the list. Yeah, we need that. I grab a large sack of it and heft it into our cart.

"Shinji, turn around and hold still."

"Huh?" I turn to find her scowling, still holding the ketchup bottle. Then she comes up to me really close and I start to sweat.

"Who are you calling weird, dummkopf?" When I think she couldn't get any closer without my knees knocking together in agitation, she stops and puts a hand on her head. Then she draws an imaginary line from her head to mine.

Hmm, it seems she barely comes up to my eyebrows. "Uh, Asuka..." I can't help but grin. Ooops, that seems to set her off even more.

"At least three inches. When did you grow three inches?"

"Um, I was already an inch taller than you before."

"No, you weren't."

"Then you were 'out' for awhile and it's been a month since we er – got back."

"Yeah, but who grows three inches in that short time? It's not normal!"

"Really?" I ask, scratching my head. Oh, I know what this is all about! "Is this about the pickle jar?"

Aha! Eye twitch. Bingo!

"N-noo... this has got nothing to do with the pickle jar."

I grunt and turn away to finish our shopping. Misato-san has made a long list and we need to hurry or we won't be done before the store closes.

I bet I can make both her eyes twitch, though.

"It's not a big deal, you know, that I could open that jar and you couldn't." Is that the whistle of steam coming out of her ears? Uh oh, I guess I'm dead. Oh well, one more won't matter then. "After all, Asuka... you ARE a girl."

x

x

x

My hand hurts. I think I slugged stupid Shinji too hard. Too bad I hit his shoulder and not his jaw. Did he dodge it? Shinji? Nah, I must have been aiming too low. I need to get used to his height.

Boys. I growl, putting all the disdain I could muster into that one word.

Said specimen is currently cooking dinner and not paying one bit of attention to me. Really, no respect! Can't a girl slip into a coma for a while without him suddenly sprouting half a head taller and getting broader in the shoulders than I remember? All hands and feet and long arms and legs, honestly, how gangly and ungraceful can he be? I bet if I give him a couple more months he'll start to tower over me and grow more hair.

Unfair! How does a puny one like him become stronger by virtue of that 'y' chromosome alone, huh? Can someone explain that to me? He didn't even need to work out to become stronger than a superior female like myself! Stupid male hormones.

I stare sourly at Shinji as he checked the rice and finished slicing the potatoes into paper-thin wedges.

"Asuka, will you cut it out? Stop muttering and help me with this, will ya?"

"I'm tired." I answer, staring at Shinji's biceps. They had bunched up nicely under his sleeve when he hefted that heavy potato sack into the cart. And again when he carried that twenty-five pound sack of rice and carefully refilled the ricebox. Small biceps, lean and knotty, looked strong...

"Asuka, if you have energy to sulk, you have energy to fry these."

I leave my place at the table and turn on the gas. "Sulk? Who's sulking?" I snort at him. "I'm thinking." I start frying and for a minute I forget to be irritated. Ahh... this smells good. "How come you can get it this thin?"

"Practice. If you do it often enough you get better."

"And just _what_ are you trying to say? That I should cook more often?" Hmm, there's a thought. Yesss, that'll work. All I need to do is go back to my usual training routines... and you, baka Shinji, are going to eat your words!

x

x

x

I watch Asuka cooking for awhile and was about to leave her to it so I could go set the table, when she suddenly froze and got that unfocused look on her face. Cripes! Again? Leave it to Asuka to daydream over a hot stove. NOW what is she thinking about? One minute she's sniffing the pan, the next she's back in her own world.

"Oi, Asuka, don't burn the chips."

She looks at me and, uh oh, is that an evil glint in her eye?

"I know what you're thinking, dummkopf, that you are much better at this than I am! You may be taller too but you are definitely NOT going to remain stronger!"

She snaps the gas shut and the flame sputters and dies. Then she transfers the fried potato chips to a plate and holds it under my nose with a flourish. Not bad. Nothing is burnt.

I think I'm going to regret having so much fun at her expense. Yeah, I know that look. You know, the manic one, when she gets overly competitive. Here it comes...

"I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, challenge you, baka Shinji, to a game of arm wrestling!"

She dumps the plate in my hands and walks off laughing and muttering.

Arm wrestling? With Asuka? Man... that conjures up all sorts of images... yes, yes... no, no, no! Must be good... must be good...

My knees start to feel weak so I slump into the kitchen chair, still shaking my head to clear it.

Yep, it's definitely one of those days. And knowing how nutty that redhead is, this is far from over. I'm so dead.


	2. Freudian slip

A/N: I used _"Iya da!"_ instead of the English _"No way!"_ or _"Don't want to!"_ because the inspiration for this chapter is Ryoma saying it (in Japanese of course) while Momo and Kikumaru try to drag him off the coach bench during Fuji's game. _"Iya da!"_ has such a nice stubborn ring to it, don't you think? Saaa...

**_Japanese words:_  
**Iya- no, nope (usually male)  
Iya da- no; or 'I don't want to'  
Gomen- sorry  
Itaii- ouch, painful, hurts  
Baka, the baka, dummkopf, the dummkopf- Shinji (you get the idea)

* * *

**Anthro 187**  
11.07.2006

I never thought I'd be the type. I hate pain. Always have. So much so that I've actually sacrificed a lot of things (backbone included) to avoid feeling it. Except lately, I've been having this curious bout of masochistic and suicidal tendencies. Not even in my most insane moments did I think I could do this to myself.

"One more time, Shinji!"

"Iya da!"

See? That's me saying no.

"Don't tell me you're tired? How pathetic! No stamina! And you call yourself a boy! One more time!"

"Iya da!"

To Asuka and her waspish tongue.

"Come on! Just one more time! You'll be sorry if you refuse! I'll make sure of it!"

"Iya da!"

Despite threats of bodily harm...

"Please, Shinji! I know you enjoyed it, too! I'll make it worth your while!"

"Iya da!"

Or sweetly suspicious promises of reward...

"Come on Shinji! Just one more time!"

"Iya da! Iya da! Iya da!"

And it's entirely _her _fault!

"Shinji, one more time! I _order_ you to do it or I'll... I'll... cook a dozen eggs and make you eat them!"

"Iyaaa daaa!"

Although I now realize that repression doesn't solve anything, and neither does denial, I understand why I was able to do both before.

"Shinjiii! It doesn't make sense! How _can_ you... each and every time...and still...? You can't...unless... baka! You did, didn't you? You let me? Disgusting! Don't insult me! Be a man! Come, come! One more time!"

Yes, those were good times... pitiful, pathetic, peaceful days of unending detachment... True, I always felt like I was missing _something _but... being left alone is surely less painful than this continuous harangue...! But no... I mustn't give in ... mustn't run away...

"SHINJIIII!!"

"Ack! Iya da! Ehh?"

"YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!"

"Eeeek, gomen! Sorry, Asuka, I know it's frustrating but it's going to end the same way no matter how many times we do it. And it's not my fault! You can pummel me all you want but we've been doing it everyday for hours and hours and hours... I DON'T WANT TO WRESTLE ANYMORE!"

"But Shinjiii..."

"No more, please..." Okay, that whiny voice sounded more like me. "Just accept it. You _are_ a girl and have everything that comes along with being one." And then some.

"Really?"

Huh? Change of tone? Wow! She actually preened. I guess my instincts for self-preservation aren't completely dead yet.

"Yeah, you're built differently. Wider hips, large... er... chest. You're tall and slim... what's the word... willowy..."

"Go on... go on..."

It's working? Yes! Thank you, Kensuke! I'll never say anything against your choice of literature again! But knowing Asuka, she's heard all of this before...

"Um, girls generally are different from boys, gender roles and all that. The men go out and do physical macho stuff while women raise the kids. See, your bodies are made to nurture children, you're softer, nicer to hug, more prone to fat..."

"You think I'm fat?"

Uh-oh. This flattery business is tricky. Excuse me, I need to take my foot out of my mouth. Crap, what's that look? Why do I get the feeling I'm digging my own grave?

"No! I meant women _in general_ are more prone to fat..."

"Really."

"Uh, yeah, it's programmed into us. Women are small and um... weak-er." I babbled. "Men are made to be tougher, stronger..."

"Be careful what you say, Shinji..." Asuka interrupted suddenly, in a voice gone soft and menacing. "You may have grown a few inches but I can still beat that cockiness you call a spine out of you."

Women are... illogical creatures.

Self-preservation... is a delicate thing.

Whoever it was who said that --

"Hehehe, y-yes, I'm sure you can! You're great, Asuka! Y-you're strong and you fight really really well for a girl!"

"_For a girl_?"

-- is absolutely and utterly right.

"It's a compliment!" I almost shrieked.

"Of all the moronic chauvinistic things to say...!!"

It's so very _very_ easy to make a mistake.

"Itaiii...!"

x

x

x

The baka actually _dared_ to say it. That I fight well... _for a girl!_ And he thinks I'm fat! Damn his scrawny ass to hell!

I stopped my restless pacing and regarded myself critically in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of my newly demolished room. I looked perfect... as usual.

I know I'm strong. I flexed my muscles. Stronger than most girls - and boys - I've met. And I've been trained to fight, and win, against enemies who are more stalwart than I am. So why can't I beat one wimpy boy at arm wrestling?

A sudden image of the baka and I as we had been these last few days - sweaty and breathing heavily, forearms locked in mortal combat - popped into my mind.

But instead of Shinji winning, the dummkopf in my mind's eye was wheezing in distress, gritting his teeth at my overwhelming strength, and _losing_ to me. Yes, yes! I can see it! Shinji would give a huge gasp and then faint from all his efforts! And his last words before losing consciousness would be... I strained to hear Shinji's echoing voice in my head... _you're great, Asuka! You're strong and you fight really well... _Hmphh! For a girl... I'll show him for a girl.

I started pacing again, going over the plan carefully. The idiot really is not that much stronger than I am so it shouldn't take too much work to beat him. I quickly scanned through all the research material I got yesterday. Let's see, resistance training...

_The purpose of this study is to investigate the effects of a traditional strengthening program on subjects' maximum acceptable lifting load... by psychophysical approach and isokinetic peak torque... shoulder abductors, and elbow flexors... __It is concluded that a four-week free weight muscle-training program is effective in improving an individual's maximum acceptable lifting load... Muscles are strengthened based on the force placed across the muscle. Higher forces produce greater strengthening... _

So four weeks. In Shinji's case, two should be enough. First, I need to find out the heaviest weight I can lift. My order arrives tomorrow. So tomorrow I begin training! Yosh!

x

x

x

I blinked in the early morning sunlight, trying to hang on to the last vestiges of a very enjoyable dream. Red bikinis go well with red hair, I concluded seriously. I need to pee. What woke me up?

"Shinji?"

Oh, no. I groaned and covered my head with a pillow, the bikini still fresh in my mind. I can't deal with her right now. I curled up into a ball and clenched a fist on the blanket just in case she decides to pull it off again like she did the other day. Boy did she get an early morning surprise!

"Shinji? Wake up!"

If she insists on arm-wrestling again today I'm not going to be responsible for my actions.

"Shinji! Wake up!"

I've survived angels and third impact. I don't want to die. I'm still young. It's not going to be my fault!

"Shinjiii!"

Ahh, who am I kidding? She'll kill me! Go away! I don't want to arm wrestle with you.

"Shinjiii!"

Well, okay, that's not entirely true. But I like being alive, intact, and pain free better.

"Shinjiii!"

Ack! It's coming in! It's coming closer! Save me! Have to run away...

"Shinji?"

It breathed in my ear and I jumped. Luckily It didn't remove the blanket. However, It did take away my pillow and put a hand on my shoulder.

Now that my face was exposed to her scrutiny, I squint-glared at Asuka feeling resentful and vulnerable at the same time. Her palm felt like a hot brand through the blanket. Damn, I've got to pee.

"You're awake."

"No, no, no, no." I shook my head emphatically.

"Come on, baka, I need your help carrying some things."

"Carrying?" I blinked.

"Yeah. Carrying. You know, heavy stuff."

Tch, I'm _not_ disappointed! I'm relieved. Yeah.

"Shinji! Focus! Come on and get up. There's quite a bit to haul so I cooked breakfast."

"Hah! A bribe. What'd you cook?"

"Eggs. Don't push it, baka!"

"Burnt it more likely."

"Shut up. I'd thrash you for that but..."

"You need me to do something for you."

"Hah! As if that would stop you."

I grunted. She's right. How unfair.

"It's just that... it's too early to do anything strenuous. And we've been working out plenty these last few days."

Snatches from my dream resurfaced at her words and I stared at Asuka's serious face trying to keep from flushing. I wasn't successful but luckily she'd already turned away.

Maybe she's finally ready to let this wrestling thing go.

x

x

x

I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, do not enjoy expending energy on boring menial tasks. Therefore, all arduous manual labor is _always_ left to Shinji.

I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, have been watching the baka for over an hour. But, Mein Gott, I still cannot figure out _why _Shinji carting all that heavy stuff bothers me this time.

Up and down. Up and down. It's taken him several trips in all. The dummkopf's almost finished but he looks tired and cranky. He was whining the whole time, as usual, no surprise about that! What amazed me was that I was tuning him out.

"Asuka! You're not helping at all! Why are you spaced out again? Are you done moving all the light stuff...?"

It's not that I wasn't hearing him. I am. I even obeyed most of his orders, the baka! I think I'm tuning him out because despite the idiot's ceaseless nagging, I feel no irritation, no impatience, and no hint of a headache coming on. And yet... I _am_ bothered.

"Asuka! This is the last one. Where do you want it? Decide fast or I'm going to drop it!"

"Wha-? Oh, over there in the corner, by the window. That's where I plan to set everything up anyway."

"But Misato-san likes to sit and eat chips in that corner. It needs to be cleaned constantly."

"That's fine. I don't mind a little mess."

"It's not a little. If you're planning to park it there permanently then _you _should keep that corner clean."

"Fine, fine."

Shinji hunkered down; with both knees bent deeply he placed the last of the weights where I wanted it. Then he sprawled spread-eagled and panting on the floor and tried to catch his breath.

"Here." I threw him the shirt he had taken off earlier. "You're a sweaty waterfall."

"Watch it!" He caught it before it hit his face. "Thanks," and started wiping himself off.

He rubbed his chest and what he could reach of his back with the cloth, then he tossed back his head to wipe an arched neck. I watched him for a few minutes still having that faintly _bothered_ feeling.

The baka was mopping and sniffing his armpits, raising first one arm and then the other, when it hit me.

Verdammt! "Shinji, I'm going to take a shower."

"Hey, not fair! Me first! I did all your hauling. I'm hot and sweaty and ... I smell! Eww..."

"You need to cool down a bit first." I tossed him the bottled water I was holding and backed away quickly. "Walk around a few minutes. I'll be done by then." Hopefully.

He groaned and stood up. "You're just saying that so you can go first." Then he flashed me a wry grin.

My heart sped up and I fled, muttering something I hope Shinji didn't hear.

x

x

x

Ugh, everything's sore! I tried rotating my right arm and shoulder. Owww...!

What did Asuka just say? Left side now. Ow ow ow... owww...!

She needs it more than I do? I stretched and heard my bones creak.

Suuure... she's not the one who's hot and in pain right now.

And I really do smell... ewwwww!

x

x

x

* * *

_More Author's Notes:_ Sorry this took so long. Life tends to get in the way of writing. Anyway, I'm a bit concerned that their raging hormones are making them somewhat OOC. Let me know what you think, ne? If you have time, please review. Thanks for reading. Ja!


	3. Speak not its name

**Japanese words:**  
Gambatte**-** do your best, work hard.  
Baka, the baka- idiot, the idiot, Shinji

* * *

**Anthro 187  
**05.21.2007

It's been a few days, and Asuka has stopped asking me to arm-wrestle, instead she has started working out. She has warned me that in two weeks we were doing 'it' and she was so going to lick me. Sheesh! Her words, not mine. I think she does it on purpose.

We've been in this apartment for about a month now and I never used to notice how small it was before. I also never used to notice the lack of privacy. But I guess that was largely because Asuka used to leave me alone.

I'm not really complaining, don't get me wrong. I like spending time with her. But there are just some things a guy needs to do _alone._ Things like brooding, or listening to music, or even fantasizing about annoying, driven, overindulged females who just can't take no for an answer.

And then there's the bathroom stuff. I wouldn't mind everything else if she would only leave off the bathroom stuff. A guy _needs_ to be able to use the tub and the toilet without the pressure of someone calling through the door and asking how long it's going to take!

Jeez!

And in spite of all this 'quality' time together, the funny thing is I still don't understand her. Oh sure, I know more than I used to, but not much.

At first I thought I was the problem, that I really was that much of an idiot. But lately, I've been thinking that it's not me at all. It's _her_. Something is fundamentally wrong with _her_. _Them_. You know, _women_ in general.

Maybe I shouldn't assume things based on Asuka but I've heard the boys at school complain time and time again and they always say the same thing: that girls are... complicated.

_I _think they are just illogical. Completely. Utterly. Illogical.

And crazy. Given to violent unpredictable mood swings.

They say one thing and mean another. They expect you to read their minds.

"Shinji! Aren't you done yet?"

Dammit! There she goes again. "For the last time, Asuka, no! Go away! Stop bugging me or I'll never finish!"

"But how long are you going to take? I just had a brilliant idea!"

"I don't know. Give me... uh, ten minutes, okay?" Yeah right, that's being hopeful. Doesn't she know that interrupting is sabotage and I have to start again from the very beginning?

"That's what you said the last time."

"The last time you asked was two minutes ago! Will you please LEAVE ME ALONE!?" That's good. I sounded forceful! Yeah, like she'd let me have the last word.

"Alright, alright. But hurry it up! You're so slow. I'm bored."

How does she strike just the right whining note to make me feel guilty?

Her footsteps left the door and I heard her enter her room. I guess forceful actually worked this time. Or maybe, she just sensed my despair.

Now if I can only get this done while she's gone...

x

x

x

Enforced inactivity is baaad! Enforced inactivity with Shinji is wooorse! He's starting to look cute, dammit!

Why can't classes start sooner, huh? I've talked to Hikari a few times and I know she's busy and there are so many things to clean up and fix before everything can start getting back to normal but being stuck in this place day in and day out 'recuperating' is making me insane.

Working out and driving the baka nuts are my only distractions around here and now he has to go lock himself up in the bathroom to do his – thing.

Leave him alone he says. Why does he have to do it _now_? Why can't he wait until it's dark, and he's alone and in bed to do it?

I peeked out my door. Hah! Ten minutes he said. But he's still not done!

How distasteful.

It takes him this long?

Maybe he needs a little help.

I smiled wickedly and snuck quickly into Shinji's room to ransack his closet. No luck. Not one girly magazine. It figures.

I tried Misato's room and hit pay dirt. There in her closet, buried under several articles of discarded clothing were - surprise surprise – '_Bishounen:_ _Special Valentine's Edition'_ and _'Musume-chan's Swimsuit Manual.'_

"Musume-chan, that doesn't look comfortable but you are one sexy babe!" I said out loud, flipping through pages of women in skimpy scraps of cloth and overdone poses. "Your friends aren't too bad either." Yeah, this should stir things up for Shinji. If it doesn't irritate the hell out of him maybe it will speed him up a little. Or a lot. Ha ha.

I hurried back to the bathroom and rapped smartly on the door, trilling sweetly in a falsely high voice, "Shinji-kun, aren't you done yet? I have something for you."

"Go away."

Hmph, slow, real slow. I went to the living room to wait.

The perv appeared several minutes later looking relieved and immediately headed off to his room.

"Shinjiii..." I said sweetly, coming up to him from behind. He turned to look at me warily. "Here." I deadpanned, handing him Misato's brightly pink mag. "For next time. I'm sure it will speed things up. And if it doesn't," I winked slyly at him, "there's another one in Misato's closet that you can try."

Shinji stared at the gaudy thing in his hand and started turning a nice deep red.

"Asuka... this is... this is... it's not what you think!"

"Really?" I smiled.

Who's he kidding? What else can you do in the bathroom that you don't want to be distur - oh.

There is that.

Uh-oh, Shinji's angry.

"Asuka... it's not what you think! I was... I was..."

I watched him in fascination, his words coming out tightly, like he wasn't sure if he really wanted to say exactly what he had been doing. I don't really blame him. Poor baka. He's getting all worked up about this.

"You were...?" I prodded gently, curious to hear if he'd actually say it.

No such luck. Shinji snapped his mouth shut and just glared at me. He stood unmoving for a heartbeat but I could see he was thinking furiously.

Then abruptly, he thrust the magazine into my hands, "Che! Forget it! I don't care! Think what you want!" and stomped off to his room looking disturbed.

Ah, darn. All alone again.

x

x

x

I don't know whether to die of embarrassment or anger.

Obviously she thinks I have less than natural reasons for locking myself in the bathroom. If she can poke fun at me when _she's _the one being perverted, she can poke more fun at me knowing the truth. I'm screwed either way so I'll just shut up and let her imagine whatever she wants.

Aaarghhh!

I buried my head under my pillow in frustration. Don't think about it!

But...

Why why _why_ does she even have to think about what I'm doing in the bathroom? That's invasion of privacy, dammit!

Can't she just amuse herself somewhere else and not think about what a person does in the bathroom? Do you see me imagining what she does in there first thing in the morning when she tells me 'wait, nature calls?' Nooo...

Or what she does in there when she locks herself in for hours and then comes out in a cloud of steam and a towel smelling good and looking good...? Um... hmm...

Aaarghhh!

Don't think about it... this is so embarrassing...

How long I stayed under the pillow, I don't know, but it was the smell that eventually coaxed me out. Who... could be cooking?

Baking, to be more exact. It smelled good. It can't be Asuka. She doesn't know how to cook.

Does she?

I lay there, stomach growling, inhaling deeply and trying to identify the delicious aroma wafting in from the kitchen. It made me hungry but it also helped while away the time and push all the awkward thoughts to the back of my head.

I wasn't sure it was Asuka making that wonderful smell (although who else could it be?) until I heard her singing.

x

x

x

_One bright day in the middle of the night.  
Two dead men stood up to fight.  
__Back to back they faced each other.  
__Drew out their swords and shot one another._

Now that's a stupid song. It durn't make no sense!

Why am I singing it then? Again and again?

Cause I'm alone. Right.

And bored. Durn right!

And whose fault is that? Yeah, yeah, shut up you.

Maybe I can rap it.

_One wo-wo-wo-one bright day in the mid-mid-mid middle of the night...  
_

Hehehe, that was pretty good. Let's try... operatic!

_Oooone bright daa-aa-aaay in the middle of the niiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhhttttttttt...  
__  
_See how I held that G? Oh yeah! Back to rap.

In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'm baking little balls of dough in the oven and then cramming them with sweet deeee-licious filling I made myself. Yeah.

And rapping.

_Back to back-back to back-back- _

And if you doubt I can do all three at the same time (four if you include this monologue), I'll give you one word – multitasking.

Darn right! It's something most people... _cough cough_ boys _cough cough... _can't do. Don't believe me? Try talking to them when they're watching television or when they lock themselves up in the toilet.

Sooo...

_Why_ am I baking?

'Cause I got this recipe for cream puffs from Hikari the last time I called her and begged her to talk to me. She said cream puffs were 'easy, tasty, and a great dessert! Just whip them up and watch them disappear!'

So here I am trying it out and proving Hikari right because _I am_ actually enjoying myself!

Which is weird considering I don't really know how to bake.

Right. Which is why I'm not pretty good at it yet.

Uh-huh. Which is also why it was probably a bad idea to try this without Shinji.

Oh shit! Mind you, I have an excuse. Shinji's in hiding and I figured someone with my skills and brains shouldn't have too much trouble trying to follow a written recipe, right?

But, oh my Gott, I think it's burning! And this has nothing to do with the multitasking, got that?

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

I am, right now, trying frantically to fan smoke from the charred remains of what formerly were cute little globes of dough. I am projecting an aura of calm. It would've worked too if this stupid oven didn't suddenly decide to go up in flames! Eeeek!

It occurred to me at this point that saving the kitchen and our apartment was the priority and that I probably should call for help.

I was just opening my mouth to scream when Shinji walked in with an extinguisher.

And calmly doused the fire.

Saved! Thank you, baka! Perfect timing. I wonder how he knew?

I looked at him from the corner of my eye and before I knew it I was staring.

At the baka; barefoot, hair mussed, in shorts and a really old tee shirt, and carrying a rather heavy looking, bright red, metal cylinder under one arm.

And he looked good.

"Ahah... this is bad."

"Don't worry, we just need to clean it up," he answered, thinking I meant the mess in the kitchen.

I must have looked a sight to him, wearing oven mitts and holding a burnt pan to which several round blackened objects were adherent to, because he looked at me smilingly and without saying a word for almost a full minute, and then he grinned.

"Um, you might want to wash your face, Asuka."

x

x

x

Relieved and trying to hide it, that is so Asuka for you. She rushed out of here so fast I almost laughed. I should probably still be annoyed at her but after what I heard I just don't have the heart.

I got rid of the burnt consequences of Asuka's rapping and opened the window to clear the room of smoke. I think she got just a little bit too into that last line and missed the ding of the oven timer. How did it go...?

_I say shot! Yeah shot! Not shot! Yeah shot! One another! In the butt! With a sword! Just how! Know how? Don't know! Yeah now no-now-now no-now-now!_

Several plates of cream puffs in various stages of completion lay neatly on the kitchen table. The finished ones, with its cream filling and light dusting of sugar, looked good enough to eat. So I gave in and sampled one.

Delicious!

Heh... I'm quite sure it's her first time and yet these are perfect! I sat down and helped myself to a plate. There's something about Asuka's drive, I mused while munching, unstoppable. Not like me. But maybe eventually...

x

x

x

Now I know why the baka was grinning like a loon. My face was blackened from forehead to nose making me look like some sort of cross-eyed primitive woman with war paint.

I took a quick cold shower with a thorough face washing and then donned a large towel and stole to my room. Okay, payback is only right. He can't walk around flexing his muscles at me and not expect revenge. I took stock of my closet and decided. This one, all nice and flowery, will do quite well, I believe.

I twirled in front of the mirror critically eyeing the way the dress flounced up above my thighs. Satisfied, I walked back to the kitchen to look for my victim and found him about to start on his second plate of cream puffs.

"Asuka!"

My, my, doesn't he look stunned? The dress is working! Mwahahahaha!

"I wasn't expecting it but these are really good!"

I crossed my arms and said acidly, "You don't have to sound so amazed." He chuckled and didn't answer. Ah, drat! His expression is for the stupid pastries. And now he's gone back to them.

Shinji ate the entire dish without slowing down so I wasn't surprised when he started making choking sounds. Really.

"You gotta chew, baka, not swallow the thing whole." I handed him a glass of water and pounded him on the back. At least he likes the stupid things. "It's Hikari's recipe. I thought since I was going to bake I may as well make something I like. I didn't know you had such a sweet tooth."

"I don't. I'm just hungry and these are yummy!"

For the life of me I don't understand how whiny Shinji can look delectable with cream on the side of his lip. And he looked really cute choking on a cream puff.

"Chew, baka! If you choke again I'm not going to help you. And leave some for Misato."

At least he isn't angry anymore.

x

x

x

Hey, Asuka smiled! Not a smirk, or a sneer. A real one.

And she didn't say a single thing about you know what.

We packed the rest of the cream puffs for Misato-san and I helped her clean the kitchen. Then she left me alone so she could workout. Good thing too, because I think my stomach's upset after all that sugar.

She's doing pull-ups on the bar. Maybe since she's in the middle of her routine she won't bother to bother me. Eh?

I was being hopeful.

To be fair, she waited a good two minutes.

And she was so quiet I would have missed it - if I wasn't already expecting it.

First, there was this very light tapping right outside the bathroom door.

Then, soft snickering.

And then, an even softer...

Whisper.

"Shinji-kun... gambatte...!"

x

x

* * *

A/N: **Gambatte-** do your best, work hard (the japanese use it the way we would "good luck!") 

Like? No Like? I'd really like to know! Review or email me. Thanks for reading!


	4. Girls, boys, and idle hands

**Japanese words:**  
Gomen - sorry  
Sukiyaki - a japanese dish  
Nee-san - older sister  
Nii-san - older brother  
Chibi - shorty

* * *

**Anthro 187  
**05.19.2008

_Talkin' to myself and feelin' old  
Sometimes I'd like to quit  
Nothing ever seems to fit..._

A woman's husky singing echoed on the store's PA system: classic old American song that had gotten a rock remake from an up and coming guitarist called Jer E.C. It was played a lot on the radio lately and had become something of a favorite for me. The song starts high and sweet with the harmonica and the piano. Then after a few strains along comes... the Voice. Contralto. _Beautiful_! And singing words that make even me, hardened and sexy military boss, _long _for rainy days.

And then Jer's guitar kicks in and suddenly... it's Monday. The start of the work week. Hmmm, did I buy enough beer?

"Yes. I'm living the lonely life. Single woman throwing herself into work to forget the one she loved. The one who got away.

"That's right, Kaji, I'm talking about you! Can you hear me? How _could _you! Dying on me like that and leaving me saddled with two children I have no idea how to raise?"

The last strains of Jer's guitar died, finished to an uneasy silence. And suddenly I remembered that I was in the middle of a convenience store.

"Ara? Did I say that out loud?"

Surrounded by people who were now casting me suspicious looks.

"Gomen ne, I've had a hard day. Pay no attention to what I just said."

I waved a hand in front of my face and gave them the traditional respectful bow.

Let's see, two o'clock by the lemon soda six-packs, woman with two toddlers looking shocked and staring at my cart! Hey, don't judge my beer and instant noodles! Ah well, moving away. Now she's looking shocked _and _disapproving. Just wait until your toddlers are teenagers, ma'am, then you'll be driven to drink too.

At least that woman at ten o'clock with the pack of disposable razor blades looks sympathetic. You've lost your man too? You know how I feel? Who are the razors for? You don't look like you need to shave. I hope you're not depressed.

I turned around and made for the canned coffee at the corner. Mayday! Vulture at six o'clock blocking a quick escape. Aaand vulture circles, here he comes! Pawing at me... or maybe clawing is a better word? Mustn't mix our metaphors, as Asuka would say.

"Excuse me. Get out of my face please or I'll put my hand where you don't want it." I said this ever so politely, so of course, it didn't work.

Let's see, I'm feeling nasty, where should I put it? There...!

"Ahhh! Bitch!" vulture-man screamed in agony.

"I told you you wouldn't like it," I gave him my most vicious smile and he waddled away cursing.

I need to go home. Maybe I've been working too much lately. Children! I'm coming! I'm a poor excuse for a guardian... but you still love me don't you? A troubled feeling assailed me again. Am I doing the right thing hanging on to those two? Maybe I should pawn them off on someone who knows how to cook and clean and actually raise kids? Well, Shinji knows how to cook and clean, so I've got that covered. I just have to figure out how to do a good job of raising them. Easier said than done, I'm afraid. Oh, Mother, how did you do it?

Asuka has started this new exercise frenzy, so now I have to share my thinking corner with her machines. If it weren't for Shinji, that corner would be constantly in need of tidying up. He does a good job of cleaning up after himself. This reminds me, I have a craving for sukiyaki…

I was hurriedly finishing my shopping when I heard unmistakable voices one row away.

"Ahhh, the tedious life of a young woman throwing herself into her work to relieve the boredom…" I hid a smile. So Asuka has been reading my cheesy romance novels, too.

"What work? I'm the one doing all the work here."

"Stop whining, Shinji. I've been a little stressed lately."

"Asuka, don't flutter your eyelashes. It's creepy."

I was, by this time, shamelessly peeking through the canned peas at my two charges pushing a loaded cart down the aisle.

Asuka tossed what looked like corn into the cart, paused demurely, and then looked at Shinji from under lowered lashes. She gave him her most evil smile. "You want to see something really scary, dummkopf?"

I almost laughed when Shinji looked unimpressed. "No, thank you. And keep it down, everyone's watching."

"Aww, you're so boring!" Asuka whined, "How come it's not working? I need new tactics."

"What's not working?" Shinji asked, looking puzzled.

Asuka sidled up to him and whispered, "I know, I know! Look, everyone's watching, let's make the most of it! _You'll _pretend to swoon and then _I'll_..."

"Asuka..." Shinji shook his head.

"But bakaaaa, I'm tense! And you need to lighten up!"

"Forget it."

"And I'm frustrated! It will be so amusing," she waved to their audience.

Shinji simply sighed. "Let's just finish this and get out of here. Or we'll be late and there'll be no one to meet Hikari when she gets there."

"Oh, right, right!" Asuka perked up and sang, "Hikari's sleeping over, Hikari's sleeping over...! Heeyyy! Watch it!"

Oh, no. It's the same vulture I 'eunuched,' the one who won't be having kids. And it looks like he's in a worse mood than he was a moment ago.

"What did you say, girlie?" he growled.

"Nothing, please excuse us. Sorry!" Shinji bowed and quickly walked away, pulling a bristling Asuka with him. They lined up to pay and I followed discreetly, relieved that Shinji managed to avoid a confrontation.

"It's okay, Asuka, no harm done." He reassured the ticked redhead.

"But he pushed you!" Asuka was saying heatedly.

"I think he's spoiling for a fight. I'm not."

"You really _are _a wuss." She looked disappointed.

"I just don't see the need to pick a fight when one can be avoided."

"Exactly! Wuss! He pushed you on purpose!" she hissed.

"Yeah, but he didn't follow us, did he?"

"Well, no." Asuka looked thoughtful. "But what if he did? Would you still act like a wuss?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It depends." Shinji answered hesitantly.

"What if he followed us and then started groping me!"

Shinji snickered and grinned at Asuka, "I'd tell him to rest in peace."

"Hmphh. Bad example," the redhead grumped, her good humor restored. She was silent for a while and helped Shinji to go through their grocery list while checking the cart. "Okay, what if... there's only you and Hikari around, and then he follows you both. And then he starts hitting on Hikari! And she tells him _politely _to go away but he refuses and starts to grope her! And she screams! And says no, no, no! And she says, 'Help me, Ikari-kun!'

"_Then_ what will you do, huh?"

I listened to Asuka's words and wondered what Shinji would say this time. Ritsuko and I had asked him what amounted to almost the same thing, put him in the same position, the first time we met him, a long time ago.

"Um... call the police?"

"What!? You won't help her!?"

They had reached the cashier by that time and Shinji turned away to pay, muttering, "Of course, I'll help her."

They were soon walking to the door and I was hard put to hear what they were saying.

"So you'll kick his ass?"

"I don't know."

"You said you'd help her! So what will you do?"

"I don't know!"

"Why don't you know? You have to know these things, baka! You have to plan for it so you'll be ready! Is it losing you're afraid of or is it the pain? Or maybe you're not confident you can take him on? There are lots of things you can do so that... Hey! Wait! Where do think you're going, dummkopf!?"

"I'm leaving you behind..."

"Hikari's this way!"

"Ahh.. Right, right."

"So which one is it?"

"I don't know!"

"Why not?"

"Asuka...!"

"But Shinjiii, you always..."

And that was all I could hear. Poor Shinji. It's hard to be a hedgehog when Asuka is in this mood. And I've noticed it happening a lot lately, usually around Shinji. Although I see that it's been good for him, I'm not sure just how much of it he can take.

x

x

x

I was waiting on a bench outside the clinic watching some children play, when Ikari-kun and Asuka arrived. Ikari-kun had a pained look on his face and Asuka was off on one of her rants.

One of the little boys stumbled into their path and the rest of the children noisily followed. The smallest boy was being teased mercilessly; I could see him fighting not to cry. I was about to stand up to intervene but Asuka got to them first.

"What's this? What's this? Annoying little kids are in my way?" Hands on her hips, she scowled at the lot.

The smallest one, already shaking, took one look at Asuka's face and started bawling.

"Hahahaha! Toshi-kun's a scaredy cat!" The bratty pack hooted. "He's afraid of the tall ugly nee-san! Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!"

Asuka, standing next to the wailing boy and now looking thoroughly irritated, drew herself up to full height and gave him her most commanding glare. "You, boy! Stop crying this instant!"

The child looked at her in stark fear, and then, trembling and taking deep breaths, tried his best to swallow his sobs. Soon, under Asuka's steely look, his crying turned to sniffling.

Ikari-kun looked impressed.

When it looked like the child had gotten himself under control, Asuka turned her attention to the still raucous rabble.

"SILENCE!" she roared.

Everybody shut up.

It was quiet for a few seconds, and then a little boy's reedy voice piped up from the throng. "But it's so funny! Toshi-kun's really a big baby! Crying like that just 'cause he was scared of you! Hahaha! Toshi-kun's a baby! Toshi-kun's a baby!" he sang gleefully.

Asuka bent over until she was nose-to-nose with the diminutive pest, then she said softly, "Why, chibi-kun, you think I can't make _all _of you cry?" She gave him a sweetly evil smile.

They all quaked in their little shoes.

"Come on, Toshi-kun, let's go," the tiny ringleader, now all bravado, said. "Let's leave the ugly nee-san alone with her boyfriend." He collected his gang and the only little girl in the group gently took Toshi by the hand and pulled him away.

When they were all far enough away from Asuka, the little imp stuck out his tongue and gave a last shrill yell, "Nii-san should tell his ugly girlfriend that boys don't scare that easily!" then they all ran away.

Asuka shook her fist at them but didn't bother to give chase. "Oh yeah? Then come back here you runt and I'll show you who's ugly! If I hear that you're bullying again…!" She scowled at them until they turned the corner.

I studied Ikari-kun's smile as he watched Asuka openly threatening the children.

"I hate little boys! Did you see his face? That's three times he called me ugly!" Asuka turned to Ikari-kun, who was still grinning silently beside her.

"What's so funny, _boyfriend_?" Asuka asked.

Ikari-kun looked startled, "Nothing. I was just thinking he was wrong. You _are _scary, Asuka."

"Moi? Scary? You're all just wimps. Frustrating wimps."

She said it with such force, in his face, that Ikari-kun sighed and asked naively, "Me? Why me again? What did I do to frustrate you, huh?"

"Oh, nothing," she glared at him pointedly.

"Yeah, nothing! So why are you in a snit?" he complained.

"Just forget it, Shinji. You're a thick-headed idiot and a wuss, so I don't know why…" Asuka turned away from him and spotted me. "Hikari!"

"You don't know why what? Dammit, stop calling me names, I didn't do anything!" Ikari-kun yelled, getting all worked up.

"Hello, Ikari-kun, Asuka," I nodded to the seething boy and then gave Asuka a hug. "He is frustrating, isn't he?" I smiled knowingly at my friend. Nonplussed, she stared at me then gave a curt shake of her head.

"Not you too! I don't know why you keep picking on me," he told Asuka, "maybe I should just go home," and turned as if to leave.

"Oh for crying out loud! Quit being melodramatic Shinji and just hold it."

"Fine, but I don't have to take this," he looked at her grumpily. "How come Hikari knows and I don't? If it's about me, I should know."

"You really want to know?" Ikari-kun nodded. Asuka went up to him really close, but Ikari-kun didn't even flinch. They stood that way for a while, staring into each other's eyes, gauging each other's intentions.

Finally Asuka dropped her gaze, saying softly, "Lots of things frustrate me, Shinji." Ikari-kun swallowed nervously. "But right now… this, this and this, frustrate me the most."

Ikari-kun's eyes widened a fraction, and then Asuka was turning and grabbing my arm. We walked away leaving an extremely puzzled Ikari-kun to follow.

"You don't like my clothes?" He frowned, "Not even my cap? But I love my cap. Touji gave me this cap." His frown deepened. "But that doesn't make any sense. What do my clothes have to do with anything?"

Asuka-sama, master liar, mastered her expression before turning around to say to the boy, "Everything, baka-Shinji." She looked him up and down and gave him her best innocent smile, "I think you need a change."

Ikari-kun gave her a suspicious look. He really is a fast learner.

x

x

x

Asuka and I went to buy groceries; Asuka nagged me; Asuka terrorized some kids into being good. All in a day's work. Then we met up with Hikari and headed straight to the apartment. Misato-san wasn't home yet but she'd left a message on the machine saying that she'd be back soon.

That was five hours ago. More than enough time to finish a shoujo flick (Hikari brought one with her), go hungry, eat dessert (leftover cream puffs), and then get completely bored.

So boredom, notorious troublemaker, is the reason I find myself in this pickle. Or so I tell myself.

And it started out such a good night too - a darkened room, a comfy futon, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Asuka. Sure, I had to sit through two hours of pointless romance, but it was well worth it to be able to see Asuka sigh, squeal, and go teary- eyed watching the heroine collapse and die in the hero's arms. There was also a lot of giggling involved. Trust me, Asuka giggling is a rare and disturbing sight.

It was a thrilling tale of suspense and romance! The heroine runs away from the hero and gets herself abducted; the hero jumps to her rescue, taking the better part of the movie to do so.

Finally, said hero catches up with the escaping villains who'd done the dirty deed and proceeds to violently, efficiently, and senselessly massacre them.

While the arch-villain in his last dying throes cackles maniacally, a well-laid trap that anyone with half a brain could see coming a mile away blows up in the hero's face. The heroine, seeing the trap at the last minute, throws herself in its path and takes the brunt of the blast. She confesses her love for him, gently cradled in his strong arms, seconds before she croaks.

"You know, she wouldn't have died if she just upped and confessed to him in the first place instead of running away," I grumbled.

"She was scared. It's never easy admitting to being in love," Hikari answered, dabbing at her eyes.

"Yeah, if she did that, then we wouldn't have a story," Asuka rewound the disc and then hit pause.

"Well, it's a waste of time making a stupid movie."

"Oohh, posh, it's not a waste. Fanservice is a wonderful thing. This guy has one of the best asses in the business."

"Asuka!" Hikari gasped, covering her mouth, "Ikari-kun is here."

"So?" She hit forward and then hit pause again. "See Hikari, if you peek at it from this angle you can almost look up his skirt."

"It's a tunic."

"Whatever."

It all went downhill from there.

Another hour of Asuka alternately hitting forward and pause went by and finally I could take it no more.

"Kyaaaah! Woo-hoo! Will you look at that…"

"I don't see it," I felt inclined to say.

"Of course not, you're a boy," Hikari smiled secretively and leaned in closer to the screen.

"The movie's dumb but you two actually cried!"

"Oh, Ikari-kun, I guess it's useless explaining it. Boys would never understand."

So there it was - I would never understand - case closed, enough said.

With a last heartfelt sigh, Asuka ejected the disc and reverently put it back in its case. Then there was silence for several minutes.

"Now what?" Asuka grinned at Hikari.

"I don't know. I should have brought that other movie, too," she giggled, and they both cast furtive looks at me.

Asuka trading meaningful glances with Hikari when they thought I wasn't looking should have tipped me off. But I guess at that point I was much too absorbed with the notion that Asuka _would _look up a guy's skirt, to notice that anything was amiss.

There wasn't even time to struggle when they pounced on me.

I said NO! Absolutely not! I uttered dire threats. I begged, and complained, and whined.

Fat lot of good it did me.

x

x

x

x

x

x

Shinji made a break for it when I brought out the razor. Honestly, I wasn't going to shave his legs! What? He thinks I'll let him remove his pantyhose after all that struggle we went through getting him into them?

I told him as much, but I guess by that time my credibility was pretty much non-existent and no amount of reasoning could make him believe that I had no designs on his legs.

Nope, not his legs, it was his armpits I had my eye on. See, I have this slinky sleeveless top I wanted him to try on and it's in a shade of blue that _exactly_ matches his pretty eyes…

"Aww, Hikariii…" I groused, "Why'd you let him go?"

Hikari was laughing, collecting spilt make up, "I didn't. He was too strong, Asuka."

"Eh? Then how come he didn't escape earlier?" I frowned.

"Probably because he couldn't refuse us," Hikari smiled, "Ikari-kun is a nice guy."

I shot Hikari a skeptical look, "You really think he's strong? Stronger than me?"

She looked thoughtful and took her time to answer, "Yes, Asuka, although I can't be completely sure."

"I've been working out for more than a week, Hikari, best friend."

"He's a guy, he's bigger than you," she reminded me gently.

"But it's just Shinji! I always beat him up," I ran through everything I had read in my mind and reviewed my weight-lifting routines; then I turned to my best friend and said accusingly, "You're just saying that because you're too traditional and you like jocks like Touji!"

Hah! I hit a nerve. There's no way I'm weaker than the dummkopf, right? "I've been training, Hikari."

Damn! I must have sounded insecure because Hikari's sour look is clearing and now her eyes are kindly mocking me, "So you say, Asuka."

"Yes, I do say." I replied flatly.

I was confident I'd win my next arm-wrestling bout with Shinji but Hikari had a look on her face that disturbed me more than I cared to admit.

"Do you want to bet on it?"

A bet?

Incredulous, I caught my best friend's eyes. They had this irritating, knowing look. You know, the kind where you're sure they're laughing at you and thinking they know something you don't. She was practically telling me I was going to lose!

There was only one answer to that.

"You're on!"

x

x

x

One hour in the clutches of the sadistic sisters and I'm afraid they have enough blackmail material to bleed me dry. Why did I not run earlier? 'Cause Asuka practically sat on me and undressed me! That's why! Luckily, I wore good boxers…

Liquid foundation and glitter eye-shadow I can take but I draw the line at sharp metallic objects. Especially when it's in the hands of one overly excitable and unpredictable female. I bolted as soon as Asuka turned her back.

Why do I let her do these things to me?

I peeked out of my room, checked if the coast was clear and was about to make a dash for the bathroom when, of all the rotten luck, Misato-san walked in.

I cursed and beat a hasty retreat. Too late, though, she'd seen me.

"Shinji-kun? Is that you? Can you make sukiyaki for di…" Misato-san did a double take and stared at me for several seconds. Then she started laughing.

She hasn't stopped.

"That's right. Laugh it up! See if I'll cook for you," I grumbled. I knew I was being unfair and disrespectful but I couldn't help it! Misato-san has been laughing and blocking my retreat for too long. The girls might be coming, dammit!

"Shinji," Misato-san asked when she could finally breathe, "Why are you wearing... all that?" she waved both arms in my general direction.

"Because _she_... manhandled me into it!" I whined indignantly, "She is so unreasonable!"

"Shinji," Misato-san said ever so gently that it irked me to no end, "You could've just said no."

"I did!" Misato-san started snickering again. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I have no spine. Now cut it out, will you?"

"Though I must say, you look very pretty, Shin-chan. Asuka has good taste. That color of eye shadow really brings out your eyes! And those legs... did you shave?"

"No!"

"Oh… still, you look good in a miniskirt. Aren't the stockings a bit tight around here?" She waved a hand in front of her crotch.

"Ha ha! Very funny! I'm sooo not cooking dinner for both of you!" I answered pettily, ducking around her and heading off to the bathroom to shower and sulk. I know Asuka keeps her make-up remover by the sink.

Screw it. The next time Asuka sits on me and unzips my pants, I'm just going to make a run for it.

x

x

x

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the very late update - a year! (gasp) Almost done now. Are the first person jumps confusing? I've added two people to the mix - Misato and Hikari. Let me know if it's too confusing. In future chapters, it may well be just Asuka and Shinji again. We'll see.

P.S. When I think contralto, I think Karen Carpenter and Megumi Ogata.


End file.
